In families touched by trauma, the effects ripple out. It isn’t just the individual who directly dealt with the trauma that suffers. Children whose experiences have shaped their development and defense mechanisms frequently exhibit oppositional, controlling, relentless, or aggressive behaviors, and their families often feel like they are trapped in a cycle that they cannot escape.
In fact, the entire family may experience secondary post-trauma symptoms such as depression, sleeplessness, agitation, and anxiety, to name a few. Children with a traumatic history, if not treated with solid trauma-informed therapy, the correct medications, and parents who have good, ongoing training and support, will create an environment that is destructive within the family structure.
In a chat co-hosted with Beverley Baker White, we discussed siblings, trauma, and imported pathology. You can watch the introduction video clip here. Interested in seeing the entire Ask a Therapist chat? You can find all of our videos on our YouTube channel.
Parents who are struggling with these issues must find a therapist who has years of experience with traumatized children or has spent a good deal of time training with experts in the field.
Support
Support is also essential. Support groups for parents who are dealing with the same issues, locally and virtually, are a great help. In addition, if you are feeling depressed, moody, or anxious, it is wise to seek therapy for yourself. It is common for parents to have their own past trauma triggered by the child’s behavior, and you cannot help others heal effectively when your own needs are going unmet.
Respite
Everyone needs support and breaks when things are tense. When trauma reactions and destructive patterns are occurring within the household this is doubly true. It is recommended that parents find frequent respite for their child to give the family a break. This isn’t giving up, it’s actually quite the opposite. This is good for the child as well as the well-being of the family as a whole.
Take a few moments to check out this Wellness Toolkit for caregivers created by the Colorado Respite Coalition.
Respite gives the family a chance to reset and recover before everyone is reunited. Many parents feel they can help a child with extreme behaviors by simply loving them, keeping them away from other children and family members, or harsh punishment for behavior. None of these is a good path to take because there is no path towards healing or teaching the child to be successful in the real world with this kind of structure.
Interested in learning more about what Denver Therapy & Consultation can do for your family to reset and recover? Reach out. We’re here to help.
Imported Pathology
The effects of trauma on a family are far-reaching. Not only parents but other children in the home are significantly impacted by the behaviors of some traumatized children, and it isn’t always obvious how that will play out or present itself. Sometimes children will retreat and suffer in silence, afraid to report aggression toward them and feel like they are not going to be believed or heard. They may fear retribution if they report their experiences to their parents or other adults in their life.
Parents need to be aware of how dysregulated behavior from another child is affecting the well-being of other members of the household.
Through the years, I have had adult clients report how angry and resentful they still are due to growing up and living with another child who took much too much of their parent’s attention. If the other children in the home begin showing changes in school performance, mood, or behavior, it is time to seek out a trusted person for them to talk to. Introducing activities, that they can attend without the other children in the home, is also a great way to give the child an outlet to get away and focus on something more positive.
Remember, dysregulation and inappropriate family dynamics affect every person in the family. In an attempt to pull your family toward a calm and functional level you will need support, education, and trained therapeutic intervention.
The sooner you seek this assistance the sooner your family will return to some sense of normalcy. Denver Therapy and Consultation Group can help.
Find out how today.
